So I sit here pondering a troubling situation. Something happened a while back and I had a HUGE run-in with someone I thought was a friend. This "friend," in reality had been spreading some fairly vicious lies about me and MY HUSBAND (and most likely still is), and did a VERY GOOD job of putting me down. Basically calling me a bad mom, wife, friend, person, etc. Can we say "OUCH"? Yeah- she really hurt me. I was beyond depressed for quite some time after the fact, and am still struggling with the after effects her words have had on me. It turns out I am not the only person she has done this to. I have now talked to two other people who have had startlingly similar stories as mine. (I am jokingly considering starting a support group about it!!) Now here is the real problem...
Two women I greatly respect and really like (lets call them Melissa and Janet) have started spending time with said "friend," and I really would hate to see them suffer the same fate as me and these other women I have talked with. So what should I do... Should I talk to Melissa and Janet? I mean, if I did, I would in no way tell them the details of what "friend" did to me (I have promised myself and my husband not to spread the details to anyone that didn't need to know), BUT- I could at least tell them that they should be a bit wary because "friend" has a reputation building of how she befriends people, makes them feel special, and valuable at first, followed by feeling indebted to her due to lavish gifts, then feeling inadequate for not being able to keep up with the lavish gifts, and finally she snaps and basically kicks them to the ground? OR- do I keep my mouth shut and PRAY she hasn't told the lies about me to Melissa and Janet... Did I mention that Melissa and Janet are exceptionally sweet, nice, giving, and thoughtful? Well they are.
I think my biggest concern here is that if I do approach them, how do I do so without sounding like I am exacting revenge on "friend"? It has nothing at all to do with "friend" other than that I would hate to see anyone else subjected to the same things I was... I really like Janet and Melissa! Now, I know that even though Janet and Melissa are everything I said a few sentences back, I also know that both are totally capable of handling themselves in bad situations... I just would like to help them avoid being in this situation in the first place.
Any suggestions? Should I intervene with good intentions or keep my yap shut and be there with open invitations for the support group when it happens to them too?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Some friends in need... possibly...
Posted by Pam at 10:46 PM
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2 comments:
What I think you could do is just go to Melissa and Janet (I think these are the names you used) anyway you could just go to them and tell them to just kind of be careful with the information and the things they share with this certain someone and let them know that you and a couple others you have come in contact with have been badly burned by this person and you just would hate it if it happened to them too so just to be really careful and then just see how the converstaion turns from there! Good luck.
I was told by someone to read this post. As you know, I have had almost the exact experience as you! I often have these same thoughts as you have been having. I feel as though I should warn everyone in a 15 mile radius about "Jane Doe". But I look back when I first became friends with Jane Doe, I actually was warned. I thought that the person who was warning me about Jane was so rude! I thought, why would she say such rude things. Jane is the nicest person ever! But if I had only known what I know now. I don't really know what to do. Deep down inside, beneath the hate and anger, I feel sorry for Jane. I can't beleive that someone could be such a misleading person. I feel bad that her family lets this go on and doesn't try and get her help. Because when people sit back and let this happen when they know what is going on, we are only enabling it to happen. I still can't beleive some of the things that people have confronted me about, that Jane had told them about me wondering if it were true. I was fuming inside and wanted to go and tell her where to go. I feel bad that I ever beleived the lies about other people that were told to me. I had bad opinions of others that I didn't even know, and I feel guilty about it. I don't want anyone else to have to experience what happened in your situation or mine, but I don't know how to go about not letting it happen, because often times you end up looking like the bad guy or liar, until the other person gets burned and figures out for themselves! I am sorry you are having to see this continue to happen. I removed myself from the situation, but I continually end up hearing new stories involving Jane. I hope for her and her families sake, that someday she can get help. Part of her really does mean good, but the other side of her is so evil. It is truly sad.
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