Tuesday, July 8, 2008

So sad

I just got back from a funeral. It was the most emotional funeral I have ever been to. I am pretty sure I cried more today than I did at my own father's funeral. Joe has a cousin who turned 46 late last year, and just after her birthday she got a REALLY BIG surprise. She found out she was pregnant. Her baby at the time was in 8th grade, and their oldest was on a mission. Well, she was way shocked and really had a hard time coming to term with having another baby, but eventually she started getting excited and started buying all new baby stuff. When we saw her at her baby shower she was so excited. They found out it was going to be a girl, and had chosen a name for her.

Well, last week she went in for her last appointment before her induction, they couldn't find the heartbeat. She was tangled in her umbilical cord. They took her right over to the hospital and started her labor, and she gave birth to a beautiful, 5 lb 13 oz baby girl, stillborn. They had the funeral for the baby today. It was so HARD! I was doing well at keeping my emotions in check until the hearse showed up and the Pall Bearers carried this tiny little white casket to the grave site. It was maybe 2 feet long at the most. Marcie (the mom) just broke down, and though she was crying I could see the peace she was feeling. I cried through the whole funeral. Every time I looked at the casket I could picture a tiny little baby. So much smaller than my baby. And then I would think of how devastated I would be if I had lost either of my girls. And that of course got me thinking about how close I have come recently to losing Lil. And how Lacey took so long to breath when she was born... I was a wreck. And I would stop looking at the coffin, and find myself focusing on Marcie, and how hard this has to be for her. She is such a pillar of strength! And I am so sorry that she has to be one... She is so good and so sweet, and she is so obviously hurting. Her husband got up at the end of the funeral and dedicated the grave. It was such a tender moment, and he was so sincere.

Afterwords a line began to form for people to give their condolences for the family. Joe and I waited our turn and though I tried SO HARD to not cry, the second I hugged Marcie we both just broke down. She just whispered, "I wanted her, I wanted her so badly..."

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life that helps to ease the pain of such awful moments as these. I know that Marcie and Chris are sad, but I also know that they are grateful for the pregnancy and the opportunity to bring that spirit a body. I know there is a lot of controversy about when the spirit enters the body, and though I am not sure anyone will ever know in this lifetime for sure, Our whole family believes that this sweet baby had a spirit, and that she served her purpose and has returned to her Heavenly Father.

A few quotes regarding this topic:
The question of whether stillborn children will be resurrected and belong to their parents in the hereafter is really the crux of the matter. This question is, as yet, impossible to answer with certainty. Elder Joseph Fielding Smith wrote that “there is no information given by revelation in regard to the status of stillborn children. However, I will express my personal opinion that we should have hope that these little ones will receive a resurrection and then belong to us.” (Doctrines of Salvation, 2:280.) He said nothing about miscarried children.

One issue involved is whether an unborn child in the mother’s womb is a living soul. The answer to that question may depend in part on the answer to another question—When does the spirit enter the body? On this second question some Church leaders have made comments. President Brigham Young said he believed that “when the mother feels life come to her infant it is the spirit entering the body.” (Journal of Discourses, 17:143.)

The message “The Origin of Man” issued by the First Presidency in 1909 stated: “The body of man enters upon its career as a tiny germ embryo, which becomes an infant, quickened at a certain stage by the spirit whose tabernacle it is, and the child, after being born, develops into a man.” (James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1970, 4:205.)

Elder Bruce R. McConkie, referring to “The Origin of Man,” expressed his opinion that the message “appears to bear out the concept that the eternal spirit enters the body prior to a normal birth, and therefore that stillborn children will be resurrected.” (Mormon Doctrine, 2d ed., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 768.)


Daniel and AnnaMarie Miller and family said...

So sorry! I had this happen to a friend while I was pregnant with
Jaxon. She lost her at 38 weeks. I cannot imagine the pain. AS a mother, you ache for them

Morgan said...

Oh Pam! I am sorry that it was such a tough day! That would be so incredibly painful.

Ben and Heidi said...

This is a very sad post to read and I am sorry to hear this. Although we dont know sometimes why certain things happen at least we do have the comfort to know that all the hurt is part of our existence on this earth and luckily we do have the knowledge that we will be with ALL our children in the next life.