Or not...

Joe made it home just fine. I missed him :)

A Sense of Foreboding

I feel like my life is playing out some warped storyline right this minute. I am sitting here waiting for the inevitable call that turns a pretty innocent book into a heart wrenching story of love and loss... I think I read too much.

Joe and I are happily married now for 7 1/2 years. It has been a GREAT 7 1/2 years. There have been a lot of struggles (what couple doesn't), and there have been a few tears (mostly ones caused by stubbed toes or small paper cuts filled with lemon juice or nail polish remover, and even a set of tears from a bell pepper seed in the nose...). Mostly though, there has been a whole lot of greatness. A bunch of love, and tons and tons of hugs.

Last night Joe and I had one of those struggles. I am not really sure I would call it a fight. Neither of us was yelling, there was no "His side vs. My side." He stated a fact that I was startled to hear and, quite frankly, very bothered by. I told him so, he told me I was over reacting, I tearfully agreed- mostly... He went to bed. I stayed up, calmed down and followed him to bed a few hours later. He slept on his side, I slept on mine. The dog slept between us.

This morning he left for an overnight business trip. He hopped a plane to Vegas and will be flying back home tomorrow. I know this is totally melodramatic, but well, yeah... I can't help but worry that something will happen to him, and I won't ever get the chance to patch up what happened last night. In fact, I am SURE that I am overreacting, but it all seems like the perfect plot to a story. I can even hear myself, years down the road, tearfully giving advice to my children and grandchildren never to let a fight leave the house unresolved. Yeah- I know. Melodramatic. But I can't help it. I am praying I DON'T get a call today. No Las Vegas PD calling to say that he was killed, no Delta Airlines calling to say there was a plane crash. No Highway Patrol calling to say that he had a motorcycle accident on his way to or from the airport... Yeah- All this is what keeps floating through my head. UGH! I really need to put the books away.

I am sure it is all my overactive imagination, and that I am just a bit wound up from my lack of sleeping last night.

Oh, and for those of you who are insanely curious, as I know I would be one of them if this were not my story, Joe just told me something coming up at his job that upset me. Nothing morally wrong or anything of that nature. Just a shift in his hours. A not at all great shift in his hours...

I think I may just bite the bullet and call him. Turn this warped story in my head into a happy ending. Then maybe, just maybe, I will go find me some sappy novel to read while I await a whole slew of books bound to appear on my doorstep in the next week. Two of which are love stories and the third? A mythical action/adventure with a touch of love intertwined... me and my love stories!

Oh, and interestingly enough, I read a whole book series in this last week that quite frankly, surprised me. A few years back I watched the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Not that bad a movie, really... I also remembered vaguely that the movie was based on a novel. This last week I found the novel at the library, and out of sheer boredom (since I was having a hard time finding a good book to borrow for myself) I picked it up and brought it home. I was surprised at how well the movie's storyline fit the book. Well, I was also pleasantly surprised at the writing style. It was a pretty good read. 2 days later, I returned it and got the other 3 books... yeah- all three. I finished reading the 4th book this morning. Quick reads. Good writing. Interesting plot. And a mostly happy ending. Just the way I like em. In case anyone is bored and looking for a time killer, check out the Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants series. And no worries, there isn't any cliff hangers. The series is complete and each book stands on its own. So there is nothing at the end of 2 that is desperate to be resolved in 3, etc. All in all a pleasant read.

Off to make a call and find a book...

Lucky me

So my kids are sick. AGAIN. I am tellin' ya, I can't figure it out. This summer is acting like winter for my family. And whats worse, usually I am the one member of the family that never gets the cold, or the flu, or the virus. Joe and the girls pass it between themselves and I manage to avoid it. NOPE- not this summer... Its all about the girls. Joe has been spared from everything but the food poisoning incident in mid June. Since then, I have had two colds, pink eye, an ear infection, and now, a burst ear drum... G-R-E-A-T! Both girls have had the colds, pink eye, and the baby had croup... Yuck. I have gotten in the habit of sanitizing my house from top to bottom at least once a week. When I say sanitize, I am talkin' chlorox wipes to the bed frames, door knobs, doors, walls, dressers, tables, counter tops, chair rails, baseboards, etc. (basically anywhere that is touched ever), mopping with bleach water, color safe bleach in the laundry (especially bedding), and all that jazz. Then it occurred to me that it just CAN'T be something in the house, it HAS to be something being brought in the house on a regular basis! Soooo- I went back in my mind to June to see what has changed that may be causing all the virus issues. The verdict? Library books. It seems a bit weak, but it hit me today while reading said library book to Lil for nap time. I was mid-sentence when I got that ol' familiar tickle in my nose that caused a sneeze attack so large my poor hand couldn't have possibly contained it all. Needless to say I instantly realized that the next few people to read this book may very well get my cold. I think I am gonna lay off the library books for a while. buying new books is an expensive habit, but so is visiting the doctor 3 times a month at 20 bucks a pop!

On a much lighter note, Lacey is officially a walker. She still crawls a lot, especially when she is feeling impatient, or needs to turn sharply, but otherwise she walks herself all through the house. Now if I could just convince her that talking is okay... :) Joe thinks he is the favorite because when ever she sees him for the first time (ie. When she wakes up, and when he gets home from work, etc.) she says "Hi Da!" to him. So obviously she likes him more since she calls him Da. Um, nope. When I go get her out of the crib, or when I come back from running errands and see her for the first time, guess what she says to me? Yup, you guessed it! "Hi Da!"

Lil is learning the hard way that being sick is not a party. She has found she can get out of many undesirable tasks by claiming to be sick. She has decided to use the excuse for most anything she is not in the mood for. For example, "Momma, I can't clean the bedroom, I am sick." Or, "I can't go to church, I am sick (insert fake cough here)." Well today she pushed it to a new level. "Mom, I can't eat my rice cause it will make me sick! Can I have a popsicle instead?" Um, RIGHT. :) Luckily I can use this same excuse on her almost as often as she uses it on me. She will refuse to clean up her mess cause "she is sick" then will ask to go play with the neighbors... "Nope- sick kids can't go play, they will make all the other kids sick." It's amazing how quickly she is cured! The only real problem with it all is that with as on again off again sick as me and the girls have been these last couple months, I really have a hard time figuring out when she is faking it and when she really means it. Thankfully, when she really IS sick, she doesn't ask to go play outside- she tends to camp out under a blanket on the couch, content to watch TV and play on her computer... yes- my almost 4 year old has a computer. :S That's what you get when you have a computer engineer for a husband...


Sick kiddo's camping out on the couch.

The Big Oh-One

Lacey turned one last Thursday, and of course as tradition dictates, I threw her a kickin' first birthday party. We invited the family over last night for dinner and some cake and ice cream complete with typical birthday festivities. So without further ado, here are the highlights...



The Birthday girl.

I will start with my favorite part. The traditional first birthday cake. This is the same cake pan that my mom used for my first birthday, and the same one I used for Lilia for her first birthday. Call it a family tradition. Mom made this same cake for all of us kids on our birthday, so when I got pregnant with Lil I got online and found the cake pan so I could continue the tradition. It takes me about 1 hour to cook it, 2 hours for it to cool, then about 4 hours to decorate it. All so we can cut it up and eat it in less than 30 minutes.

The cake:



We started the party out with dinner. Nothing special. Just spaghetti, fruit salad, breadsticks, and homemade rootbeer. After everyone ate dinner and the kids spent a decent amount of time playing at the park across the street, we gathered to watch Lacey open gifts. A few pics of her and I opening her gifts:





After presents, we sang to the birthday girl. She LOVED being the center of attention! Just check out that smile:


Then we gave her free reign on her cake. Unlike her sister, who refused to touch her cake, Lacey dug right in!


The damage to to cake. We let her play for a minute then took it away to start the carving of the cake...


We then gave Lacey a cupcake decorated for her by her big sister, and she proceeded to get that cake EVERYWHERE. It was GREAT! And of course a few pictures of the mess she made...







After a while we put a scoop of ice cream down on her tray. Before we could get her a spoon she decided her hands did the trick.


OH! Brain Freeze!


A picture of the happy, and well fed birthday girl:


And here we are, on our way to the tub:


After tub time she got to try out her new Ridin' Fun Car (Grandma and Grandpa W. bought it for her)


She seems to think that THIS is the proper way to ride it...


It was great to get the family together. We have a LOT of family. Including all the step siblings on Joes side, Lil and Lace have 32 aunts and uncle and somewhere around 26 cousins. We had most of them over last night as well as my cousin Ju, and a few neighbors. Lots of fun!

Now for something fun! Here is a picture of me and Lilia at 1 year with our cakes...

Lilia:


and me:

Mom's bad example...

(This blog was inspired by a very similar situation that can be read about HERE.)

So, lately I find myself in that awfully awkward situation where Lilia chooses to either repeat me, or question me. Sadly, I am not the perfect mom, nor the perfect person, and I DO, on occasion, see the need to blurt out some choice expletives. Granted, they aren't THAT bad. I choose words such as "Crap", "Crap-tastic", or "Crapity Crapum's". There is the good ol, "Idiot!" or "Fudgecicles." Yeah- I know! Half of you are horified that I have such an AWFUL potty mouth, and the other half of you are laughing at my choice of verbage. To which I appologize, to both sides. Now on to the stories:

Every morning our dog alerts us that it is time to go for her morning constitutional by running at top speed from one end of the house (my bedroom) to the other (the front room). Well, about a month ago, that darn dog managed to take a wrong turn and ended up cornered in the girls room. She was moving too fast to stop and was faced with two choices, run into the box under Lil's bed, or JUMP on Lil's bed... WITH the sleeping Lil still in it! What did she choose? Yup- she jumped. This, of course, woke Lilia up. Lil pushed the dog off the bed and said (quite dramatically), "Crap!" Then she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. I happened to be standing right outside her room and witnessed the whole ordeal. Lacey was there too. She was trying to crawl up my legs, and into my arms. She failed. Miserably. She DID, however, manage to fall over and land on her well padded rump. This, of course, made her start crying (probably in frustration). And that cry caused Lilia to sit BOLT UP RIGHT in bed and yell, "CRAP!" She then flung the covers off and got out of bed. Not the best start to her day, I guess... Joe, of course, thought this whole ordeal was funny. I totally sympathised with poor Lil. I don't like being forced awake either. He also was quick to point the finger from where she learned her new favorite word...

About two weeks ago I was driving along on my way home from Wherever, and found myself at a point in the road where one lane becomes two. At that same point in the road, the speed limit jumps from 55 to 65 mph. I was stuck behind this mega huge truck going about 40. So when the lane opened up, and he chose to move to the right lane, I decided to hit the left lane and ramp myself up to the proper speed! I was ALMOST out of his blind spot when for heaven-knows-why, he chose to move over into the left lane. I had two choices, swerve and hit oncoming traffic, or slam on my breaks and pray the person behind me is far enough back that they don't hit me. I chose the second option. (You can let go of the edge of your seats now, this story has a happy ending) As I slammed the breaks on, I honked my horn and yelled, "Idiot!" (Bet you can't see whats coming here...) Lilia then informed me that she was scared when the truck almost "hitted" us. I told her it scared me a bit too. She then asked, "Momma, whats an E-diot?" (Crap...) "Um, well, an idiot is someone who isn't driving well because they aren't paying attention to the other cars." She says, "Okay" and life goes on as usual. Well... A couple days later I was out driving toward Wherever, and found myself trying to reach a sippy cup (that will hopefully calm the screaming Lacey) while driving. I of course wasn't paying as much attention as I probably should have and realized a little too late that I should have my foot pressing down on the breaks. So I slammed on the breaks, and narrowly avoided the vehicle in front of me. Lil recognized that same lurching feeling of the breaks being slammed on, followed by the rocky feeling of the Antilock breaks kicking in, and said, "Momma, who was the idiot? You or them?" Now how am I supposed to answer that?!

I guess its not the end of the world that Lil has learned certain words from me. I mean, think about it... it could be a WHOLE lot worse. Besides, I truly believe that everyone needs a "go-to" word to help relieve the stress of a situation. And quite frankly, "Crap" just isn't that bad of a word.

And what would this blog be without a pic of my sassy, yet smart Little Monkey (This is one of the three pictures I took on our road trip last month).

All growed up!

Lacey took her first steps this week! She took me completely by surprise. I had taken the girls to the park for lunch and was dealing with the typical "chase Lacey away from the dirt and bark" game. She has a bad habit of putting bark and dirt clods in her mouth, so everytime she approaches the bark (or dirt) I go pick her up and move her back to the picnic tables and grass. So thats what I did! I picked her up and moved her. And when I go to put her down I set her on her feet. As soon as I let go of her hands she slowly drops to the ground (kinda like she is melting) and crawls off. Well not this time! She stood there for a second, then started walking! She made it five steps before she finally lost her balance and landed on her hands and knees. It was so awesome! And I am glad to say that I have witnesses... there were three other women with their kids at the park, and all of us got the opportunity to witness Lacey's first steps. Joe was very jealous, but he did get her to repeat her performance later that night. I love my baby!

Guilt is an awful tool!

So sad

I just got back from a funeral. It was the most emotional funeral I have ever been to. I am pretty sure I cried more today than I did at my own father's funeral. Joe has a cousin who turned 46 late last year, and just after her birthday she got a REALLY BIG surprise. She found out she was pregnant. Her baby at the time was in 8th grade, and their oldest was on a mission. Well, she was way shocked and really had a hard time coming to term with having another baby, but eventually she started getting excited and started buying all new baby stuff. When we saw her at her baby shower she was so excited. They found out it was going to be a girl, and had chosen a name for her.

Well, last week she went in for her last appointment before her induction, they couldn't find the heartbeat. She was tangled in her umbilical cord. They took her right over to the hospital and started her labor, and she gave birth to a beautiful, 5 lb 13 oz baby girl, stillborn. They had the funeral for the baby today. It was so HARD! I was doing well at keeping my emotions in check until the hearse showed up and the Pall Bearers carried this tiny little white casket to the grave site. It was maybe 2 feet long at the most. Marcie (the mom) just broke down, and though she was crying I could see the peace she was feeling. I cried through the whole funeral. Every time I looked at the casket I could picture a tiny little baby. So much smaller than my baby. And then I would think of how devastated I would be if I had lost either of my girls. And that of course got me thinking about how close I have come recently to losing Lil. And how Lacey took so long to breath when she was born... I was a wreck. And I would stop looking at the coffin, and find myself focusing on Marcie, and how hard this has to be for her. She is such a pillar of strength! And I am so sorry that she has to be one... She is so good and so sweet, and she is so obviously hurting. Her husband got up at the end of the funeral and dedicated the grave. It was such a tender moment, and he was so sincere.

Afterwords a line began to form for people to give their condolences for the family. Joe and I waited our turn and though I tried SO HARD to not cry, the second I hugged Marcie we both just broke down. She just whispered, "I wanted her, I wanted her so badly..."

I am so grateful for the gospel in my life that helps to ease the pain of such awful moments as these. I know that Marcie and Chris are sad, but I also know that they are grateful for the pregnancy and the opportunity to bring that spirit a body. I know there is a lot of controversy about when the spirit enters the body, and though I am not sure anyone will ever know in this lifetime for sure, Our whole family believes that this sweet baby had a spirit, and that she served her purpose and has returned to her Heavenly Father.

A few quotes regarding this topic:
The question of whether stillborn children will be resurrected and belong to their parents in the hereafter is really the crux of the matter. This question is, as yet, impossible to answer with certainty. Elder Joseph Fielding Smith wrote that “there is no information given by revelation in regard to the status of stillborn children. However, I will express my personal opinion that we should have hope that these little ones will receive a resurrection and then belong to us.” (Doctrines of Salvation, 2:280.) He said nothing about miscarried children.

One issue involved is whether an unborn child in the mother’s womb is a living soul. The answer to that question may depend in part on the answer to another question—When does the spirit enter the body? On this second question some Church leaders have made comments. President Brigham Young said he believed that “when the mother feels life come to her infant it is the spirit entering the body.” (Journal of Discourses, 17:143.)

The message “The Origin of Man” issued by the First Presidency in 1909 stated: “The body of man enters upon its career as a tiny germ embryo, which becomes an infant, quickened at a certain stage by the spirit whose tabernacle it is, and the child, after being born, develops into a man.” (James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1970, 4:205.)

Elder Bruce R. McConkie, referring to “The Origin of Man,” expressed his opinion that the message “appears to bear out the concept that the eternal spirit enters the body prior to a normal birth, and therefore that stillborn children will be resurrected.” (Mormon Doctrine, 2d ed., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 768.)

The 4th...

Yeah- this year we were way lax with our plans for the 4th of July. We spent the day doing our grocery shopping (lemme tell ya- Walmart on the 4th is a BAD IDEA). We then had my cousin up and she chose to hang out with us til it came time to go watch the fireworks show at the point of the mountain. When we got back from the fireworks show my cousin spent the night on our couch after her and I found ourselves up chatting til 1 in the morning. :) She stuck around most of Saturday too, and then we went to her place to go swimming. We followed that up with dinner at Spag Fac with my mom and brothers... All in all a very laid back weekend.


A couple pictures of Lilia showing off her super cute self in her super cute suit...




And of course Lacey- the first one is a great shot of her bling bling and her mohawk, and the second is her latest view of the world...

Lace

So yesterday I noticed that my littlest rascal had some interesting marks on her leg. I should have taken a picture of it then, as it was a WHOLE lot more clear. As is, this morning the marks were nearly gone and I couldn't get the munchkin to hold still. But- what I found was that she had a full on set of teeth marks that looked suspiciously like Lil's mouth size. Upon further investigation it was revealed that Lil had indeed bitten her little sister on the leg. After a proper punishment (including me threatening to bite HER leg) she revealed her reasoning. It seems Lacey was trying to crawl away when Lil was trying to play with her and so Lilia bit her. The logic may not have been perfect but seeing as how she doesn't have MORE bite marks I must assume that after the bite Lacey stayed put.

Another interesting thing my mother and I discovered this last weekend is that my baby has not one nut TWO birthmarks. BOTH on her head. Lacey was born with a stork bite on the back of her neck right at the hair line. I had noticed it when she was about 2 days old, and its just as big now as it was the day she was born. I don't see it going anywhere anytime soon. But this second birthmark... its fairly big, about half an inch wide and maybe an inch or two long... not really sure just how big it really is. The reason it took us so long to find it is because its in her HAIR! She has a white patch of hair on her head. Since her hair is so short, we had never noticed it before now! Due to the lack of hair she still struggles with, it was hard to take a picture of. But I sure tried! (Pay no attention to the laundry behind her head. At least its CLEAN laundry, right?!)


I hope you can spot it, though I won't be bummed if you can't seeing as how it took me nearly a year to spot it myself...