Monday, October 24, 2011

An Odd Place to Find Inspiration...

So one of my very favorite TV shows is Biggest Loser.  Its one of only two reality TV shows I like.  The other is The Amazing Race, but that's neither here nor there...  Anyway, I love watching BL.  It's such an inspiring show, and I love to see the contestants whose lives are TRULY changed because of their time on "The Ranch."  Now, I know I just said the show was inspiring, but the inspiration I recieved last night was not of the physical weight loss variety.  It was more of a spiritual nature.  And, though I love this show, its one flaw is the language... not very spiritually connected...

So I was watching last Tuesday's episode last night, and something was said about losing weight that I got to thinking about. Bob Harper and one of his contestants, Sunny, were given the opportunity to travel to Sunny's home for a week.  When she got home, her family was over the moon cheering and laughing at how good she looked.  Later, Bob took Sunny to a local gym for a workout, and she became upset because last time she went to her local gym some punk kids were laughing at her size.  It embarrassed her so badly that she never returned to the gym.  Bob pretty much called her out on that.  He said (I am paraphrasing, here), "Do you remember the reaction your family had when they saw you? You need to remember THAT.  Not those kids who teased you. Your family deserves you being healthy.  Come to the gym for them."

This brought to mind a time a couple years ago when someone in my ward (local church group) had said some pretty terrible things about me and my family to just about anyone who would listen to her.  I remember I was getting ready for church when Joe came home from his Sunday morning meeting to ask me what had happened between me and this girl, since he was under the impression we were friends.  He had been confronted by the bishop (our local church leader) about something that had been said, and Joe was stuck defending himself and me about something he knew nothing about.  In truth, I knew nothing about it either, and her words blind sided me since I had no idea she was saying things about me to others...  I was upset, and hurt, and beyond embarrassed.  Though I am sure there is a grain of truth to almost everything she said, there was also a whole lot of pure fiction.  Once again, this info is not the point so I will skip ahead a bit.  I was MORTIFIED by what had been said about me.  I remember walking in to my ward building and wondering how many women in there had heard these stories, and thought ill of me.  How many of them saw me taking the sacrament each week and thought I shouldn't have been.  How many of them hated me without even knowing the real me... I was near tears for MONTHS at the thought of going to church activities and spending time with other ward members...  I was so embarrassed, and for the first time in my life I could understand how someone could be too embarrassed to go to church.  How someone could hurt you so badly that rather than defend yourself, you would prefer to hide.

Eventually, I got over it.  It helped when the accuser moved out of the neighborhood, and therefore out of the ward.  I still have no idea who has heard the rumors of me and my family, and I also have no idea how many of them believe it.  What I do know is that there are still plenty in the ward...  I still struggle from time to time with this, and though I have been doing my best to rise above it, I don't always succeed.

I have forgiven this girl for how I was treated, and I have worked very hard to not put myself in such a vulnerable position again.  I am working toward being over this whole ordeal, and though I am no longer struggling with the embarrassment, what Bob said to Sunny struck a cord (chord?).  My family deserves to be with me in church.  I deserve to be at church.  I can't reach my full potential without His help, and I can't get all the help I am worthy of without church attendance. I shouldn't put my church attendance on the shoulders of those who would scoff at me.  I should go because my family knows the true me, and they are the ones that matter.  God knows the truth.  Christ knows the truth.  My husband knows the truth.  I shouldn't avoid church because some people who are not eternally significant might judge me for something I may or may not have said or done.  I am so glad I chose to keep going, because after I heard Bob last night, I think the guilt may have gotten the better of me if I had chosen to let strangers and would be enemies keep me from my eternal purpose.

Just something to think about...

7 comments:

Sariah said...

LOVE this post, Pam! You are SO RIGHT! *hugs*

Mary and Steve said...

Good for you! I bet that feels so goo to finally say those words :)

Amber said...

I can't believe that anyone would say hurtful things about you. You are among one of the BEST they have in that neighborhood.

Party of Four said...

Go Pam! Situations like that are so hard, but I'm glad you were able to move past it. We miss you guys. HUGS!

Ina said...

Pam, I never heard it. Chances are people didn't put much credence in it. Don't let that one person take away from who you are.

Ben and Heidi said...

What a great and true post! Thanks so much for sharing

Susan said...

Bob is so wise, isn't he? He's my favorite trainer on BL.

BTW: You won three books on my blog. Come on over and help us celebrate! www.blogginboutbooks.com